Saving Myself

So, I'm reading that book called Saving Beauty From The Beast, and it is an awesome book with great insights. It is designed for parents who think their daughters may be in abusive relationships. Anyways, it gets me thinking about my past. I was in a "controlling" relationship. Honestly, after all of the courses I have taken and books I have read that deal with relationships and the spectrums of abuse, it's still hard for me to determine whether I would CALL it "abusive." I KNOW that it was emotionally abusive at times, and there were a couple of times that it barely breached the physical realm. So... reading some of the characteristics about the potentially abusive guys, I could see some similar traits. It's kinda been hitting home. Obviously, I got out of that relationship...

It's also been made more real because some of Jon's friends (Jon is my Marine man!) just broke up. He was not a good guy to her. I didn't know them very long or very well, but I knew a lot about their relationship through Jon. When they broke up, he threatened to kill her. THREATENED TO KILL HER! So... there that is.

Sometimes I worry that I transfer some of my insecurities from my last relationship (the ones that BECAME my insecurities because of the way the relationship worked) into my new relationship with Jon. In my old relationship, I was expected to have my phone and be able to talk whenever... Now, only sometimes, when I am in a weird mood, if I can't get a hold of Jon, I start feeling worried. Little things like that, but it sucks. I have a wonderful thing with Jon and I trust him completely. It's not fair that he should suffer my crazy spells... But he is so wonderful that he does. With a hug and a laugh. He knows where I come from as far as relationships go. He understands my insecurities. He nurtures them. He's a good man and I thank God every day that he is in my life.

On a completely different note, and a very bring one at that, it's almost summer! Here are some awesome things I have to look forward to this summer once the school I work at is done:

Water Park! Yay!
Time at the pool with my students (on the clock!)
Food bank volunteering
Recycling volunteering
Graffiti coverup project
Fire station/police station tour
Museum and IMAX movie
More time at the pool!
Beach with Jon for our 1 year anniversary when he gets back from a month of training (I'll be sad to see him go but at least I have lots of summer stuff going on!)
Trip to see my Bestie Vicki and she's coming here, too!

I am trying to pick up running. Jon has been good motivation but I think I have found some maybe even better motivation: Looking GOOD in my bikini when Jon gets back and we go to the beach. I'll be working on the tan, too. YAY!

The end.